I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Randomize
