woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
