Tell her she can't have a vagina
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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