he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
