I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
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I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
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Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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