My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i think i just naturally attract stoners
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
