I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
