I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
