Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
