My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
