Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
