when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
