Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
