He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
