In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
