so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
