after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
