he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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