I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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