i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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