you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
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This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
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I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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