But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
