It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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