Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
