Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Randomize
