genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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