the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
