Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
