we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
