hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
