She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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