I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
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just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
birth control should be required to get into college
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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