I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
