My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
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We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
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I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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