my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
