Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
