my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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