My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
