You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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