Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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