I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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