you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
