i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
