he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am naked and annoyed.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
