I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
