Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
