he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
