My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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