i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
