is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
