just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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