we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The power of my boobs compel you
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
