i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
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is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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