I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
