Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
