I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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