Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
