I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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