I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
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