wanna go halves on a baby?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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